I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this.
I've not been single for some time, and I truly enjoy the time I have with my partner, but not having a close female friend IS getting to me. Unfortunately I've more or less given up trying to find one for now as:
1/ My past experience has shown me there are many women who are willing to become satellites - dropping their friends / interests / independent lives - the moment they meet a guy and think there's a possibility of coupledom. Worse, still, they suddenly become available if (or when) the relationship sours and they need someone to listen to them. While I like to think I'm a sympathetic soul, I don't want that to be my only role!
2/ Friends who've become coupled or parents have little free time to share, and seem to think that not planning weeks in advance is so very, very high school and not what they, as proper grown ups, will even consider.
Wow. I didn't realize I felt so strongly about this until I read your post...
Here we are a week later, and this is still nagging at me, mainly because it seems like such a negative viewpoint.
Does this mean I expect my current group of female acquaintances & friends to go down one of those two routes?
Good heavens, no! I always hold out hope.
But it does make me wary of making deeper connections.
2 comments:
Lately, I've been feeling the same way myself. The funny thing is that I do feel that I have close, great friends.. but no one that I feel so close that I could call up on the spur of the moment and just hang out. These days, if I want to meet up with my friends, we'd have to make plans at least a week in advance because everyone's so busy. It's such an effort to meet up, and I do wish for a friendship that was much more accessible.
As I work my way through your blog, I'm mostly keeping my (many) comments to myself, but here I must add my voice.
This is an age-old concern among women, and though it happens, it's not inevitable - definitely not!
It's true that women with children tend to hang with others who have kids, and it can be challenging to maintain friendships across major life differences.
But there are so many women who deeply value female friendship, and want it to always be an important piece of their lives. It's disappointing, it can be crushing, when friendships don't last - and that's part of life. But so are the bonds of sisterhood.
Living a very scheduled life shouldn't be a factor in this, IMO. I use a calendar - as does everyone I know - but it's not because we're too busy "getting ahead" for friendships! It's has more to do with activism and busy cultural lives. I plan when I'm going to see friends because those friends are important to me and I want to make sure I see them! Friendships are not necessarily better when they're spontaneous. Planning to see someone doesn't mean you love or value them any less! It's just a different way of living - but greed and ambition aren't necessarily part of that picture.
The blogger you quote is writing in disappointment, and who can blame her. But real, lasting friendship is out there, too.
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